Okay. I seriously hate the fact that i'm getting stuffed with Chinese New Year goodies, on top of the granola bars and twister fries i'm addicted to and my overtly frequent doses of Ruffles/ Lays/ Twisters/ Cheezels. It's terrible to think you're indulging in something that might be cancerous to you like 20, 30 years down the road. As my mom puts it, 'TOO MUCH ARTIFICIAL COLOURING!'

I should be 100% Chinese now as a matter of fact. Well, maybe 70% counting in my lack of fluency and competence in Mandarin. You know, getting those pasar malam glittery shiny mismatching uncolourcoded cartoons of Mickey and Minnie Mouse and stick them all over my living room for good luck and prosperity. (In case you didn't know, it's the year of the Rat) Better yet - I should buy them rodents and get them to eat my rubbish.

That's right! That way, I can literally put the 'lucky-fied' animal to good use. Rat's eating your rubbish = Rat's chasing away or getting rid of all the bad stuff! Wonderful ain't it? I've got myself my very own Chinese New Year superstition!! HEE. And I demand to be acknowledged for. So all you chinese people! Get your rodents and kill them after - you do not want Singapore to be NOT OK after the festive celebrations! I remember my grandmother boiling hot water so she could pour it over the rats and hear them squeal in agony as they 'seek the light'.

I should be enthusiastically running to NTUC to get boxes of oranges. But the sounds of groups of young children/ adults singing 'Guo Xin Nian, Zhu Xin Nian' REPEATEDLY OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN WITH UNNECESSARY HORRID TECHNO-MUSIC AT THE BACKDROP just ticks me off.

They should know when to stop, it really can drive one insane while grocery shopping. You know, when you're trying to concentrate on what you want buy, and you just visualise these group of girls in thick make-up, gel-filled hair in buns, and tassles flowing from their cheena skirts - it's not particularly entertained. And I swear that wasn't intended to sound paedophillic.

Maybe I'm still haunted by my K1 annual kindergarten concert. I had to wear this yellow dress and be a freaking firefly friend to the Ying Huo Chong Gong Zhu (Firefly Princess) together with 10 other girls and flap our arms around her, as she slowly wakes up and emerge from the flapping circle. The make up, the aunties arguing amongst themselves about which foundation/ blusher to use, the teachers arguing amongst themselves about which direction the Princess should face when she emerges, and the horrendous music. The lyrics went like this (in chinese): Firefly firefly slowly fly. And in typical Chinese fashion, it was repeated over and, you got it, over again.

And since I'm getting into the mood for Chinese New Year, here's a revision of the protocol we are supposed to follow:

Good luck
- Switching on the lights for the night is considered good luck to 'scare away' ghosts and spirits.