One day, while girl-scouting, I chanced upon a cave and met a growling polar bear:

My, what big teeth you have Mr.Golden-Compass-Polar-Bear!

Isn't it too warm for you here?

Oh, To think technology has advanced THAT quickly to create this (not imaginary or hollywood-fied) pixelated holograph digitally enhanced you. The web-cam must have cost quite a bomb huh! Thank goodness for Skype!

And oh! You can talk! GASP.

But wait, am I on drugs? Too much chocolates this season I guess. This.. me talking to you, is REAL? Hallelujah, I shall term this conversational skill a 'urso-tongue'!! (Urso for Bear in Portugese)

And I have to find this compass you say? Why Me? I'm only nine. Leave me alone. If I go back and tell the girls this, I'd be dubbed as a retard.

Don't argue with you? It's my fate and destiny? HEY! You'd think I'd want to be associated with a talking polar bear?! In the real world for your information, this would mean I'm mentally unstable!

This is just a dream right? Where's the realism in it? You're TOO WHITE. Have you seen the polar bears in the singapore zoological gardens? THEY ARE YELLOW, talk to Sheba. She'll empathise with you, besides, she needs a male companion.


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And we carried on this conversation from dusk till dawn. Interesting fella that Polar Bear. Forgot what his name was though. But I promised to keep his identity a secret, for he said if anyone knew of him, I'd be banished from this EXCITING quest to find the compass. So between you and me, let's keep it a secret.


Anyhoo. Have you been as fascinated with talking animals like the film-word has been? (Sense the sarcasm? HAHA!)

Alvin & The Chipmunks (they sing too!)
Angelina-Jolie-Monster from Beowulf (I'll just classify that under animal)
Bee from Bee Movie
Squirrel from Enchanted


And that's only for a month. Why this fixation with talking animals? I mean, yes, I do wish my dog would answer me whenever I confide in her, but hey, don't dramatise it hollywood!

Society is so circulated with images of talking organisms (eg. Planktons from Spongebob), that I'm worried kids of the newer generations will start paying Teddy Bears for psychiatric fees, or bring their Optimus Prime figurine out with them when they play hide-and-seek, hoping Optimus Prime transforms into a bus where the child can hide in.

I guess animals have a way of having this personal one on one relationship with humans. We psychologically engage with them and seek comfort and enjoyment in them. But do we need every movie to have a talking animal? No we can't, because then all the R21-movie-watching-horny-men will start to turn paedophillic and we don't want that now do we?

But let's just face reality people. Would you talk to a bee? Come on, you'll kill it first THEN realise it really did speak. And sensibly speaking, you'll want to kill it after you hear it speak! Who tolerates hallucinations? Don't spare these pesty insects! (As the pathetic muscular man puts it in the Dettol insecticide spray advertisement)

Please, not TOO many animals for one season. America's having a WRITERS-STRIKE. NOT a HUMAN-ACTORS deprivation. I'm sure there are more creative people in the film industry. And well, actors too. HUMANS can engage on a personal level too! ENOUGH WITH THE SQUEAKY CHIPMUNKS! Too much of it can cause excessive elation and hyperventilation in Children.

By the way, I am already trying to accept the fact that Will Smith's I am Legend is a 'Christmas' Movie. What with all the killing and monsters and loneliness derived from it.

We need to set the records straight:

1. Christmas movies are suppose to happy and inspirational.
2. Not too happy though that we need hundreds of talking animals bombarding us on screens. We get the hint.